Dealing with self-sabotage.
Why does this happen?
It just doesn’t seem fair. We get fed up with something in our life to the point that we feel we are ready for change. We start a new exercise/nutrition/lifestyle and for a few weeks it works really well, then it all goes to hell.
This is one of the most interesting and frustrating and complex issues I deal with for myself and my people.
Let me give you a real life example.
“I am struggling with this program.”
“Why?”
“I think I am eating too much. I shouldn’t be able to eat this much.”
“Do You feel better than before?”
“Yes”
“Are you fitting into your clothes better?”
“Yes, I can wear clothes I haven’t been able to wear for months.”
“Are you feeling stronger?”
“Definitely”.
“So what is the problem?”
“I shouldn’t be eating this much. I think I am gaining weight.”
Sound familiar?
On one hand you have the rational:
- Physical proof that you are getting smaller. You can fit into clothes that were too tight.
- You don’t get tired walking up the stairs.
- You may be getting compliments from friends and family.
- You feel better than you have in years.
This is all logical, tangible and proof that what you are doing is working. It is also powerless against the deeply ingrained belief you have that you need to starve yourself to lose weight.
No matter what proof there is of your success, you have a very good chance of defaulting back to your long held belief system even though it is wrong and you know it doesn’t work.
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A couple of ideas for you.
Hopefully everybody realizes that you can’t starve yourself and get healthy, long-lasting weight loss. It just doesn’t happen and when you force the issue it extracts a terrible physical and emotional toll. But that voice is always there and is very powerful.
For you to change, you have to realize you were wrong all these years and you have to destroy years or decades of belief. At the same time, those beliefs are now habits and your Chimp brain is fighting furiously to resist the change. The Chimp brain is the oldest part of the brain that houses emotion, passion, and is non-logical. It is part of the brain that directs you to eat a gallon of ice cream when you feel sad to make you feel better. That voice.
Again, I am not a psychologist but you have to understand that the battle is not in the exercise or nutrition program you choose. Most of these will work just fine.
The real battle is inside your head. Generally the underlying emotions are lack of self-worth, low self-esteem or fear of success that will sabotage your efforts. Your logical brain may want change but the emotional brain may not.
I realize this isn’t what people want to hear. We are in a quick fix society and the idea trying to figure out who you are is tough, time consuming and often times painful. So if you don’t want to do it, I get it.
But if this sounds like the road you need to travel start with the following three books. Use the Chimp Paradox as a starting point. The book is an easy read and you can get it as a paperback, Kindle or Audiobook.
Where does this emotional stuff come from?
Woman seem to have a harder time losing weight than men. Usually the “experts” talk about hormonal differences such as the different ratios of testosterone to estrogen. I am not discounting that because it is true. What I am saying is that there are deeper emotional scars we all bring into adulthood that have just as much power as the biological reasons. We all need to come to terms with that.
Think about this. Your mom probably grew up in a time where women were not encouraged to play sports or be active. The idea that women should lift weights and run is a relatively new idea in our society. In the 60’s it was thought if a woman ran long distances, her uterus would fall out. If she lifted weights, she would become musclebound. We all know this stuff is untrue today but forty or fifty years ago, this was modern science at it’s best. It is a different world today but you are still carrying around that baggage.
The Bottom Line
Just knowing this is going to help you. Realize that when you are trying to change, you are moving out of your comfort zone. When you do that, the chimp brain is going to freak out and throw a bunch of inner chatter at you.
Here are two ways to deal with this.
Know that it is coming.
When I started running again, I was amazed by the number or irrational thoughts that popped in my head.
“It is too hot, run later.”
“Don’t you have that blog post you need to write?”
“Hey, isn’t our favorite show on tv?” And on and on.
After a while, I started making a mental note of everything my chimp brain would come up with ahead of time. So as I ran, I would hear the old familiar voice, “That’s two miles, that’s probably good for today.“
And I would reply, inside my head of course, “I knew you were going to say that. You had your say, now go away.” And it would, for a while. My chimp brain would come back with something else, I would acknowledge it and send it away. After a while, that chatter became fewer and far between. Try it. Trust me, it works.
Ask “Is that true?”
Anytime a thought pops in your head that goes against your goal, ask yourself, is that true? Just taking a moment to ask that will give your human brain a chance to take control. After all, the chimp brain won’t be able to explain itself in a logical fashion and the power of the statement will fall apart.
“If you eat that cookie you will get fat.“
Why?
“Well because you are going to eat the whole box.“
No, since I have been working out, I don’t need to do that anymore and I don’t want to.
Do you see the underlying principle here? Don’t take any inner chatter as fact. Question why you are thinking that and is it true. By doing that, you have started to take the power away from the irrational statements. Each time you do that, it becomes weaker and weaker. You won’t have as many of these thoughts and when you do they will seem silly.
As with all things I talk about. Try it and see if it works for you.
