John Lydon a.k.a. Johnny Rotten sang that in his song “Rise”. It is not a Sex Pistols song but a song from Public Image Limited, a band he formed after the Pistols broke up. I have always loved the Sex Pistols, punk and John…and I think he is spot on with that statement. He is unflinchingly honest and doesn’t care whether you like him or not. That’s punk.
As a teenager I really identified with that. I was tall, skinny, weak and lacking confidence. Ok, I did like the tall part the the rest was just endlessly annoying to me. Kids will be kids and those that don’t fit in will get picked on. I don’t call it bullying but you can. To me they were basically telling me what I already knew. I was tall, skinny and weak with a confidence issue. So in that regard they were actually doing me a favor in pointing out things I needed to work on. To be honest I didn’t think that at the time but I do now., That is what adulthood is for, figuring out your childhood issues. Mainly because your adult issues are probably ties to childhood experiences.
That is why I despise people who pick on and exploit the weak. I always have.
F*cking hate them but they did serve a purpose in my case.
Let’s be clear about this. Brutal honesty is a rarity in life and most of the time we don’t want to hear it because we know it is the truth and the truth can hurt. But if you are going to play nicey nice with everybody nothing will ever get done in this world. Especially if you keep making excuses for yourself. That is one of the reasons I disagree with the idea of forced equality. We are not all equal we have flaws and if we want to find more happiness we should be working on them. I can’t fix my flaws by pointing out your flaws. It doesn’t work like that.
Americans tend to be in a really nasty pattern of refusing to look at our own weakness and instead attacking others for having a different opinion. It is a lot easier to do that and more comfortable. Why not get a group together and attack another group…except for they are exactly like you with the exception that their opinions are different. That is not a healthy way to behave but it is not my place to tell anyone how to behave. We are all free souls and have freedom to act how we want. That is why I don’t care what race, religion, sexual preference or football team you like. Be happy. Just don’t try and force your opinion on me or anyone else. That gets me mad. As a person of Eastern European descent, you don’t want to get me angry. We know how to hold a grudge. It is built into my DNA. Luckily it is very hard to get on my bad side these days. But still, please realize what you take for fact is an opinion and what I take for fact is an opinion.
Back to the story. As a kid, I realized I wasn’t a violent person and was never going to get revenge on them the way I wanted. We all have those dark thoughts, don’t we? As fun as they are to think of, I am not the person that would intentionally hurt anyone either physically or verbally. That’s just not me. Besides, they kind of had a point. I was weak, out of shape and lacking confidence. They were brutally honest, I have to give them that. So I decided the best way to fix this issue was to get bigger.
I didn’t know it at the time but this is the way of nature. If you don’t want to get eaten by a predator, get bigger than the predator. This is why elephants are safe from lions. If an elephant gets pissed off it can easily take out a lion but generally it chooses not to.
If you don’t know the story, I have had asthma all my life and was told by the doctors not to exercise. So I grew up a tall, frail kid with a complete lack of self-confidence. It happens. Looking back on it, I appreciate the extra motivation those kids gave me to defy all logic and actually try and lift a weight.
Back then you trusted Doctors and you trusted adults…for the most part. I always questioned everything. Not to be a smart ass but because I like to know the logic behind things. If you think a certain way I would like to know why. By asking questions I soon realized most people have no idea what they are talking about including “professionals”. In the case of asthma, I could tell the Doctors were just making crap up. I always found that odd. They can tell you they can’t cure you but they still charge you. What other profession does that? Now I realize they have to follow a set of rules so they don’t get sued. Fair enough.
Sure enough, I proved them wrong and while the asthma has never gone away, I have been able to have a better quality of life. How did I get bigger? Magic pills? Secret routines? Special exercises?
Not really. I just ate all the time, never missed a workout and focused on the task at hand. I started to see improvement.
So what was the fuel? Pure anger mixed with a lot of excitement. I wasn’t angry at anybody. I was was angry with myself for not realizing this sooner. What an adventure I had undertaken! I had ground to make up and I set off to do it as quickly as possible.
Here is the one problem I ran into. The people who were pushing me around also liked to work out. Hmmm.
So I worked out harder and studied the art of fitness. I started getting to the point of having more confidence, looking better and girls were actually starting to notice. Yippee! It took about 4 years but it was worth it. The takeaway here is that you won’t become happy by achieving your goal. You become happy by working at your goal. The goal can change but it is the effort that gives you satisfaction.
So here is my point. Anger is an energy. John is right. Massive changes require massive effort and that requires a massive amount of fuel. Most people who are successful can look back to painful times in their life and pinpoint when they had enough of that lifestyle and made a decision. It is never a decision made of self-love or gratitude or pleasantries. It is a volcanic mix of deep seated emotions that finally boil to the surface. If you have that, you need to harness it for fuel and use it for change.
We all have it inside ourselves to some degree. It is your choice if you want to use it in a positive fashion or you can just let it fester and rot you from inside out. Your choice.
Everyone talks about making big changes but they are so non-committal about it. Nice if it happens but oh well….
Somebody is going to read this and get it all wrong, so let me rephrase this. Running on anger doesn’t make you an angry person. It takes that dissatisfaction and channels it into a productive way to make a change. You can be the nicest person in the world and still have things that piss you off. At least I hope you do. Use that energy.
Secondly, you will never be able to control people. Trying to change other people is futile. Don’t waste your time. Instead, think about why they are in your life. I still struggle with this. It seems to me that people enter your life for a purpose. Like a movie. Any hero movie starts with an unlikely hero who has a task forced upon him/her that they can’t refuse. To accomplish the task the movie will have characters enter at specific times during the adventure to guide the hero. If this intrigues you, read “The Hero’s Journey” by Joseph Campbell.
Movies are based on stories and our life is a story and you get to be the hero. You can get up every morning and try to change the world and come home frustrated, bitter and mean. Or….you can get up every morning and work on your world. Change your world and you change how people react to you.
My world is me. Specifically it is what goes on between my ears. It is never a selfish thing. You will never change anyone else’s mind but they can learn from you by example. Or they get jealous. Again, not your problem.
